Where’s all the emptiness coming from?

I haven’t posted anything at the end of January and I missed my usual appointment with checking in with my goals. I didn’t have anything to say or write as January has been a lot of ups and downs. I had positive moments. And it’s been an alternation of times when I was like “I’m living my best life” one day and what the heck I’m doing with my life the moment after!

I secured another paid partnership for women transforming science. I finally materialised my intention of getting my own place and becoming a home owner. It was easier than I expected it to be. I knew that my financial situation was good but I didn’t think I would get so much money approved like in a few days. I’m actually looking for properties at this moment so this gal is quite busy. I have loads of appointments booked in for next week and I hope to find and secure a nice property for myself!

And yet, with my list of achievements getting longer and longer, I feel empty. I’m trying to figure out where all this emptiness comes from 😞 unsuccessfully so far!

Where’s the emptiness coming from?

Asking for a depressed friend
The sunrise

I think I’m at a moment in my life when I should stop putting so much afford in all the business/professional stuff and focus more on myself. But what’s there left for me to learn? I invested so much time in personal development, reading books, becoming the best version of myself already. I know how to read my feelings, take decisions based on calculated risks and I don’t act on emotions. I thought that this would be enough to feel good about myself. Yet, I have this overwhelming sadness and anxiety which make me feel like I’m worth nothing!

I know I should stop worrying about things outside my control and how the future would look like. I also know that this is something I won’t be able to do on my own. I have loads of feelings to unpack and decided to start counselling again. January has been an emotionally intense month and it made me realise that my current life situation isn’t where I want to be. I do feel there’s something missing to get the life of my dreams and I’m ready to do the work to get there.

I’m moving differently because I want different!

I’m sure I’ve read it somewhere!

I have been hiding from life and from my true voice and potential for the past two years. Looking back, I seems I was scared to live my life and put myself out there. This makes me sad and it isn’t what I want for myself, so I guess it’s time to stop pretending and start facing my fear whatever this means! Wish me luck🙏🏻

Winter sunset

With regards to my professional development, the future is crystal clear. I made a career plan with my manager and I know exactly what I want to do going forward. I decided to revamp women transforming science and use the platform to empower women outside their science life. Too often, women (and men) think of their career progression as personal development and this is absolutely not the right way to approach life. Growing on a personal level has little to do with annual performance reviews but it’s more about confidence, self-awareness and emotional maturity. I’m so sick of blanket statements such as “we need more women in science”, “this is how a scientist looks like”, you can be a scientist and stay on social media”. Who benefits from this? Who are those statements aiming at empowering? No one! It’s just for the sake of the comments and likes and be cool around certain circle!

For everyone interested, my GP referred me to it so I won’t be paying it this time.

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