Change is scary but necessary

Today for the first time in 2 weeks, I actually realised I’m going to finish my current contract of employment in 2 weeks and start a new job in 6. It was a conscious and willing decision. I wanted the change, I needed it. So, rationally, I’m 100% convinced that I made the right decision, but emotionally, I’m coming to terms that, once again in my life, I have to put all my life in a bunch of boxes and start everything from scratch again.

How did I come about the decision of moving and starting something new? I put loads of thought in it and it wasn’t definitely an easy one. But I felt like I was in a point in my life where I was going nowhere, I lost hope for my future and I didn’t see myself growing personally and professionally. A lot of things didn’t feel right on so many levels. I was no longer personally, professionally and emotionally content. I wasn’t happy and despite I was convincing myself that I should have been greatful to have a decent job, live in a decent place and made some friends, I knew deep inside that my current situation wasn’t my final destination and I couldn’t settle for something decent.

I was professionally, personally and emotionally stagnant, then I had to change.

Me

Professionally, I got a great opportunity to start my industry career and I’ve been grown exponentially as a scientist in the past 2 years. I’ve learned how to conduct myself in a corporate environment, started managing other people’s expectations and learned what it really means to be part of a team. With that being said, since the beginning of the year, I was under the impression I was outgrowing the role I was given 2 years before and the labwork was becoming repetitive and no longer stimulating.

I felt like I was outgrowing the role I started 2 years before!

Me
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To say that the past 2 years have been lonely, it’s a big understatement. I spent more hours crying and feeling depressed than I would have liked to. I had to fight my depressive thoughts and anxiety every single day. Emotionally, I was a shipwreckbut and I don’t think that anyone should be living in a constant state of anxiety and depression. I needed and deserved more for myself.

Personally, I wanted to fulfill my dream of buying my on property and I was in contact with a mortgage advisor to understand how much I could take from the bank. I thought I had a decent budget to buy. Unfortunately, the rate of inflation and the popular location where I live made the cost of buying extortionate and I could no longer afford the purchase. This made it clear to me that the chance would mean relocation.

Feeling like a blossoming magnolia

With all said above, I think it became clear to me that I needed to move on with my life, I needed a new place and a new adventure to start. What it’s ahead of me is far more exciting of what I leave behind. However, familiarity is good and a lot of people prefer the monotony of everyday life because it’s what our brain likes the most. Change takes time and dedication. I’ll have to make new friends, new habits, find new places to enjoy and explore, readjust to a new environment and dynamics. I feel like I failed to achieve all of this in Kent and I don’t want this to happen again. I’m at an age in my life when I would like to settle down, start making long-term plans for the future other than moving around and resettle every few years. I hope this is the right time to finally call a place home and feel like I belong somewhere.

This time, I won’t start from scratch, I’ll start from experience!

Me

I definitely learned a lot of lessons from my experience in Kent and, this time, I will not start from scratch. I definitely have less expectations in terms of what a dream life or workplace look like. It won’t be all a fairytale, as everything in life, it’s ups and downs, good days and bad days. I won’t be 100% motivated to do my job all the time or wanting to go out and explore every day. I won’t like all my work colleagues, people might come and go from my life and that’s okay. I think one of the mistakes I made when I moved to Kent was to think that I did achieve all my dreams, I landed a job, a flat on the beach, orange and sunshine. The dream crashed after a few months because I underestimated how tough life would turn out. So, I think I have far more realistic expectations now than 2 years ago. We live and we learn.

Of course, I’ll keep the blog as a diary and documenting every step on the way as I did for the past 2 years. See you soon

Full moon at Ramsgate marina

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