Does my voice still matter?

I’ve been 7 years in the UK today. I left Italy on a Ryanair flight Rome-Nottingham with a hand luggage only when I was 25 and I never looked back. I didn’t know what to expect, I was young and needed a change. After 4.5 years of PhD, 1.5 years of covid, relocating twice, 4 years of antidepressants, I’m here today enjoying my life after pushing through my depression. It feels surreal.

My mental health is stable (WHAAAAT?) and this is one of the rare times in my life when I feel truly happy. Like I have this sense of satisfaction, my life is good, I live a meaningful and abundant life and for the first time in the history of history I don’t struggle about my finances. Literally, I don’t look at my bank account every 5 seconds to check if I meet my saving goals or overspending! ALSO, for the first time in the history of history of history, I’m not scared of making friends and let people into my life. I’ve been struggling to build relationships since forever. All my social life was my sister and her friends and I never managed to create long-lasting relationships with friends on my own. It seems like I’m doing better now, I’m still scared to open up and introduce people into my life but I’m making an effort to be outside my comfort zone!

My new version of myself means that my writing isn’t as prolific as it used to be! The biggest drive of my writing was and has always been my depression, my anxiety and the sense of inadequacy to fit in social situations. The blogging and Instagram helped me navigating a lot of personal issues, my loliness and the struggle of accepting my difficult personality. Writing and vocalising my feelings and thoughts made them less of a burden and helped me to see them as they are: just mental and temporary events. Where am I supposed to find inspiration now with my life and all its pieces into place?

I was writing about my disconnection with the outside world, I’m connected now, what am I supposed to write about?

Me
Conwy castle, north Wales

My life is rich and abundant, I have a great job, true friends, I live life with purpose. Is my voice still valuable? Do people care about me living my best life when everyone seems to struggle so much emotionally and financially? There’s still a war out there and inflation is at its highest record. Do I feel like I want to give people unsolicited advice on how to manifest their best life based on my own experience? I don’t think I do! Every experience is unique and not everyone started at the same point in life, so what’s valid and has worked for me might not work for others.

Does my voice still matter?

Me

I see a lot of women of my age getting married or having kids at this moment in life! I want none of it. I don’t feel this sense of nurturing or providing for others, at all. I don’t get excited thinking of kids. I want my life all for myself. Am I a strange kind of woman if I want to still go out every day and have fun and acting like a teenager? Is it okay to want an easy life because I missed out all my 20s struggling with uni and depression? Just because you see everyone around you following a well-known life track (marriage, kids, job, house), it doesn’t mean you have to do the same. It’s okay to be different and want different from life!

View of Conwy castle

I don’t feel this sense of nurturing and providing for others!

Me

I’ve been struggling for months to vocalise my thoughts and showing my own authentic voice. I keep my posts neutral and I talk about my job because I don’t want to talk about my feelings or thoughts. I’m trying to see what’s the best way to be me at this new stage of my life. I still want my website and platforms to be a creative outlet to express myself freely. I am my brand and my voice is me! It’s been taking time to figure out this new version of myself, I think it’s just fine to go with the flow, and allow things to just be!I had such a hard time to accept that it was okay to be over 30 and don’t have a partner, renting, be overweight. Like, this is an acceptable destiny for women, let’s please stop acting like your life has no meaning if you don’t have a romantic relationship or a mortgage! Bye

Now, I’m off for another gin and tonic bye!

%d bloggers like this: