As a tradition for my website, I will be adding a new blog article with the intention of next year. To be fair, I gave up on writing new year resolutions because my life has been a fragmented journey for the past 4 years. The recurring pattern was to set my best intentions, then life happens (shit hit the fan more likely) and all my good intentions flush down the toilet.
I’m extremely resilient, I’m not someone that complains about life situations, I try to do my best and get out the most of every experience. I worked hard to achieve everything I have, and I never got discouraged when things got tough. But let me say that the past few years haven’t been easy:
2018: after moving in with my ex bf, he broke up with me because he had enough of my mental health problems
2019: I finished my PhD in drastic circumstances, didn’t know what I had to do next, mum got in hospital for a month, was unsuccessfully applying for jobs
2020: I think we all know about this small thing called coronavirus
2021: after failing to get a promotion, the latest romantic rejection and episode of microaggression, I moved out from England and relocated in Cardiff.
Moving to Wales was a great decision for my professional and personal development. I have a fantastic job and I managed to create a new life here. The relocation challenged me in every possible way, beyond my expectations. I found a positive and welcoming environment, Welsh people are extremely lovely and kind. I got to learn about their history and how much they strive to honour and respect the Welsh language, heritage and traditions. It is empowering to see how resilient they are to maintain their own identity.
I admire the resilience and kindness of Welsh people 🏴Me
Cardiff is a creative hub, where I managed to find a tribe of creative folks. I never considered myself a creative but the more I think of it, the more I feel like I am 100%. My job as a scientist is all about creative thinking and problem solving. Plus, my writing, my blog and women transforming science have always been my creative outlet to express my emotions and feelings. This is what creativity is all about. I found lots of inspiration to continue and improve myself for next year and Cardiff is the right place to do it. I was impressed with the outcome of the Castellana cabaret and the light show display at Bute Park. You need visionary minds to come up with all that unique, unprecedented combination of arts. I want to do the same.
The journey has been a rollercoaster. I had good days and bad days: I was depressed until March, I got excited to move to Wales and was maniac until June, my depression restated last summer and I touched rock bottom at the end of September. October and November, I resumed regular therapy sessions, changed meds (I’m on Prozac now) and started a new journey of healing. At that point, it was clear to me that I’ve always neglected my emotional wellbeing. I endorse through toxic situations at the expense of my mental health. I prioritised my professional career at the expense of cultivating personal relationships and healing from past trauma that triggered my social anxiety.
Every struggle provides with the opportunity to raise
I’ve learnt a lot of lessons this year, most importantly I learned how my poor mental health affects me. I think I’ve always known that but to know and to be fully aware opens a new level of understanding. Reading about the experience of people with mental illness and daily meditations helped massively and these new habits will definitely come forward in the next year. “I thought about my diagnosis…the mystery of my existence was solved. It had informed every decision I’ve ever made. It made me the way I did. I had no choice. And every time in the last two decades that I’d observed myself and seen a stranger, I had been right. It was never me!” It was my mental illness dictating the course of my actions. (Meg Mason, Sorrow and Bliss)
You’re the average of the 5 people you’re surrounded by
Your circle of friends, people you tend to see on a daily basis, you talk to in real life or thru social media affects you. The news you read, the people you follow on social media, the podcast you read talk to you on a subconscious level. Your environment shapes your actions, behaviour and beliefs and the only favour you can do to yourself is to choose it wisely. It isn’t always easy because you can’t possibly choose all people around you (have you heard of family members?) but you can choose your friends and who you want to spend quality time with. The same goes for the people you follow on social media and the self-claimed influencers. Honestly it’s 2023, there’s no more space for skinny tea promoters and Andrew Tate.
I was beginning to write this blog post in a high spirit and then I reminded myself that January will be a new challenge for me to prove myself and my job. So no more maniac vibes, I will try to down down my hyperactivity and modulate my anxiety and depression. Honestly I have no clue of how this will turn out but I’m happy to embrace this new journey. Every day is a school day